Change - It Happens!

I hear this statement a lot. If one asks me if I agree with it I will say yes without blinking. Now, if the question is "How do you react to change in your life?"...well, I have to think about that one. I think about in what areas of my life am I resistant to change and then ask myself why.

I grew up as an Army brat from the age of three. I moved constantly until I was 21 years of age. The experience afforded me a lot of gifts such as visiting other places in the world, meeting people from other states/countries, learning different customs/languages, eating different foods, making new friends, etc. Generally, I learned the art of adapting. I adapted to change. I expected it in my life. What I didn't realize was I ended up closing myself off intimately from others. This was especially true in situations of intimacy with a friend or a lover. I was unconsciously protecting myself from being hurt as the signals in my brain told me "things change" from living a life of constant "uprooting". I let people get to know me and I them but there was always something I kept to myself and wouldn't let anyone in to touch it. About six years ago someone very close to me shared with me his observation that I had a lot of people who thought they knew me but hardly any close friends that I could turn to in times of trouble, He commented how sad he felt it was. At first, I was in denial, strenuously trying to prove him wrong. I failed miserably at making my case. Eventually, I began to ponder how I could be known by so many yet not really "known" at all. As I sat with this new found "rawness" I realized I was the common denominator. I was responsible for my experience. I remembered my life traveling around and how that felt. I began to desperately think of any times I really let someone in. I realized that there were a couple times in my life where I had. It felt so good and a tad bit scary when it happened. Then I remembered how the rest of it began to unravel and thought about why. What I realized was to the degree I was opening up to someone was the degree of attachment I was feeling. The attachment became so strong that as the relationship changed I found it nearly impossible to adjust. The attachment trumped all the years I spent adapting growing up. It's as if the pendulum swung completely the other way.

I still deal with attachment issues today although I'm quicker to realize them as they began to show up than I was six years ago. I have some great friends that don't hesitate to remind me and I'm thankful! For me, I do meditations, visioning, prayer, and ask for prayer support. Asking for support was a big step for me but really opened the doors to greater, deeper connections with people. I took myself to a therapist who I worked with for almost a year. Man, I didn't know how much this boy could cry! I used to make bets with myself that I wouldn't "lose" it in the next session. At the time, I felt so much attachment to someone I thought I would break. I now know that attachment is the stumbling block when adapting to change in one's life. We can be attached to so many things; a person, a place, a job, a thing, etc. Many times we don't even realize how much we are attached. I often think of a strong, tall tree that has mastered the ability to sway with the winds of change whether it be a slight breeze or a full on storm. If this stately tree had not learned to bend in the storms it surely would have snapped.

The following is a great video acted and sung by Margaret Owens . I was blessed with the opportunity to sing backup for her in October of 2008. This video portrays really well how attachment can show up in our lives. I love the song she sings reminding us all to live "Big"



So, the nature of the Universe is change, It happens all around us, every moment. Everything is static. I invite you to look at if you are feeling attachment to something and then ask yourself why? You might be surprised at what comes up. I know I have been and still sometimes am. Most importantly, remember to love yourself through the process. Give yourself props! It takes courage to look at one's self.

Honoring your path,
Stephen