Thursday, October 16, 2014

An Ode to My Mom

This post is dedicated to my mom, Rose Marie Barrett who made her transition on August 8, 2014, exactly one month after her 80th birthday on July 8, 2014. She is survived by her husband of 54 years, Douglas Barrett, son Stephen Barrett, and daughter Susan Barrett Cook.

My mom was born in Massillion, OH as Rose Marie Uhl .  She graduated from high school and immediately headed to airline school. 
MOM at 13:
Mom's high school pics: 
The desire to travel ran deep in her.  Once out of airline school, she worked as a reservation agent for Delta Airlines in Michigan. A little while later she accepted a position as a reservation agent for Northwest Airlines and she relocated to Seattle (Sea-Tac airport) for the position.  In those days most of the reservation agents were men so she was a bit of a pioneer.  She had to hoist the luggage to the conveyor belt with the rest of them.  This wasn't easy as she was 5' 4" and weighed about 98 lbs back then.  By all accounts, my mom loved her new life in the NW corner of the country, a place she had never been to before.  I'm sure her family back in Ohio thought she was a bit crazy. 

My mom lived with five other women in a big house in the Three Tree Point of Burien/Des Moines near the airport.  These women where comprised of some fellow NW Airlines employees and ones from other airlines, both reservation agents and flight attendants (stewardesses in those days).  This festive group threw a few parties and it was at one of these where my mom met her future husband (although he had no clue, LOL), my dad, Douglas.  They were married on March 18, 1960.  I came along as the first born on February 2, 1962.  I was not the first pregnancy as she lost her first.  The doctors weren't sure as to how successful she would be at getting pregnant and carrying to term after that because they had discovered a tipped uterus.

Mom transferred her airline experience to working as a travel agent for Canadian Pacific Airlines and finally running her own agency in 1965 in the Monte Cristo Hotel located in Everett, WA.  She spent many years of working in and out of the travel agency industry as we moved throughout the world due to my dad's military career.
Mom 2nd from the left in 1964:
Mom managing travel agency in 1965:
 My mom always supported me unequivocally in my acting and singing.  When she discovered I had a well developed singing voice at the impressionable age of 15, she decided I should be an opera singer or at the very least someone like Robert Goulet.  Of course I had other music style ideas as I got older, more along the lines of Tom Jones , LOL. One of the highlights performing with my mom was a performance of Rogers & Hammerstein Revisited for the Governor of the Canal Zone and his wife when we lived in Panama.  Another highlight was performing in "Fiddler On The Roof" as Motel and my mom in the role of Golde.  Additionally, my dad performed two roles with his beautiful Irish tenor voice, that of a Jewish villager and that of a Russian soldier (albeit not at the same time!). My sister even got in on the act (pun intended) with her work doing props. The was the last theatre I did before leaving Stuttgart, Germany for the U.S.
 
 MOM's BIO:
 My mom married my dad not knowing that she was to become a career military wife.  She spent 21 years as a military spouse.  Being a spouse of a military person is one of the most difficult roles imaginable and not just so in times of war.  I respect my mom for the decision she made to put her career on hold, or at the very least pick it up somewhere else when possible every three years or so. Even though she made this decision, she conveyed a lot of disappointment later in her life for the outcome of this decision.  It's been a constant reminder for me to pursue my passion when and where I can regardless of outcome or circumstances. My mom's passing has indeed heightened the desire. In fact, the night she made her transition I was performing.  I had a two song set.  As best as I can figure out she actually left this plane of existence while I was singing "Calling All Angels" by Train during the second set of verses.  There is a line in the second set that is written as "I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me"I've song this song at least a half a dozen times before (including the link above and the last time she heard me sing) and have never flubbed or changed the line while singing.  That particular night the line came out of my mouth sung as "I need to know you will all be here for me". I believe that is when my mom left.  I've thought about that night and I know that is exactly where I needed to be and that she thinks so too!
 
Barrett family at Ft Bragg, NC 1968:
Extended Barrett family, Panama 1980:
 Barrett family, Stuttgart, Germany 1983:
My mom was an accomplished pianist and had a beautiful contralto voice.  She sounded very much like Shirley Bassey.  When she played and/or sang, people stopped in their tracks to listen. She performed for weddings and did gigs at the various Officer's Clubs where we were stationed.  She performed in theatre productions (see bio above). Later in life, she would play piano at the various malls in the Olympia area during the Xmas holidays.  She also made the switch to electronic keyboards and even taught herself all about the various features of each of her keyboards.  At the time of her passing she owned two keyboards.  The newer and more expensive of the two was donated to Amazing Grace Spiritual Center in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle.  From all accounts, this keyboard is being thoroughly enjoyed by the musicians and the congregation.
Mom's keyboard at Amazing Grace Spiritual Center:

 
 Let me start this next part by saying my mom was one of the most honest people I know.  She abhorred cheating of any kind.  She was dedicated to her family and in her own way, to my dad. Unfortunately, the honesty did not extend to her own opinion of herself. Specifically she refused to face her mental illness until a few days before she passed.   The relationship of my dad and mom changed over the years.  As my mom's bi-polar disorder started to make itself known to everyone but her, the intimacy of her relationship to my dad diminished. When she was in her manic phases all of her anger and disappointment of her dreams not being fulfilled were directed at my father.  As her disease progressed without any medication to balance it, so did the severity and length of her anger towards my dad.  His health begun to suffer accordingly under the stress of it all.  Despite this my dad refused to leave my mom.  It was extremely difficult to be around my mother during these times.  If we were in public she would muster any strength she had to mask it but as the years progressed, this too got beyond her control.  My mother also barely slept.  What little sleep she did get was in her favorite recliner.  The sleep deprivation made having a conversation with her difficult and often times exhausting!  The last Tuesday of July 2014 my mom had herself taken by medical personnel to Madigan Hospital on Joint Base Lewis McChord (JBLM).  She demanded no assistance from my dad even though he tried.  She felt she was having a panic attack.  This was in the throws of one of her manic episodes.  When she arrived at Madigan, the very thing she feared happened; the doctors diagnosed her as bi-polar.  The rest of the family was relieved to know that there was now a official diagnosis with documentation and not just us creating something out of our collective imaginations.  They immediately got her on medication to stabilize her moods.  A week later she was released and my dad brought her home.  I talked to her by phone a day later on Wednesday, August 6th in the evening.  She admitted she felt a bit "rummy" from the medication, but to me she had a noticeable positive change in outlook.  She wanted to come see me sing on Friday, August 8th.  I told her that would be great and to talk to dad as he had all the particulars.  I knew though that she wouldn't be ready for that yet until she felt more normal under her new meds.  She told me she loved me very much and that I would always be her first born and her little boy. That was the last we talked.  On Friday, August 8th I called my dad on the way to my singing gig at Amazing Grace Spiritual Center (AGSC) just to check in.  We talked for a few minutes but then my dad said he had to go as my mom was calling for him.  My dad called me back about 30 minutes later, just as I'm exiting my vehicle to head into AGSC.  He said he thought mom was gone.  I was confused, "What do you mean??!!"  He exclaimed that she collapsed and the medics had been there for the last 30 minutes working on her to get a heartbeat.  He told me to call my sister.  At this point, I didn't know if I should go to Olympia (approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes away) or to continue with the show.  Several calls ensued between myself, my sister, and my dad.  The medics finally got a faint heartbeat and decided to transport her to the nearest medical facility.  It's was then agreed that I would perform my two numbers as I was the second one on the roster to sing.  I said I would head out right after and meet my dad at the hospital.  It was very surreal to sing in front of an audience where most did not know what was going on.  I felt my mom's presence urging me to sing.
 
I'm not surprised that my mom had a heart attack.  Many indicators including heredity were in play.  What was difficult for me was that FINALLY she got a diagnosis and medication accordingly.  I was excited to see if this would change her life for the better.  I was excited to see how the rest of the family's relationship with her would improve.  There was FINALLY hope!  At the end of the day I know that her transition was the highest and the best for HER and perhaps in many ways for me...and maybe the rest of the family.  I know that it has gotten me to focus on what I've learned from my mother. I know that no one's death is in vain.  Nonetheless, I miss her!
 
We had my mom's remembrance on October 11, 2014.  This was the date that afforded everyone, and most importantly, her grandkids to be able to attend.  By all accounts, it was a lovely event.  My dad spoke about how much he respected my mom's sacrifices in light of her role as a military spouse and how she stuck with him.  I sang "Believe" by Brooks and Dunn and my sister lent her lovely voice to covering "The Rose".  My uncle Bob played guitar and sang.  Later everyone shared some stories about my mom. My mom actually unofficially began the memorial about 30 minutes prior with a tornado touch down about 15 miles from us.  This comes from the Puget Sound region of WA State where we rarely have tornados, let alone a broadcasted tornado watch!  We noticed mom!
Tornado touchdown at Home Course near Dupont, WA on 10/11/14:

 I leave this blog with the posting of one of my mom's favorite Barbra Streisand songs.  In fact, one Xmas somewhere around the late 90s or early 00s she sang this song to me at dinner.  She wasn't feeling well and struggled through the song uncharacteristically.  I think she was also overcome with the emotion of it.  I love you very much mom and know you're watching over us!

A sample of my mom's piano playing as posted on Facebook: 


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Spread Aloha and Follow Your Dreams !

I must confess I stole this title from my friend Torito Keoni LeBord. I have believed this for as long as I could remember but haven't always been consistent at doing either. Aloha has many meanings when translated to English. One of the deeper meanings of aloha is expressed in the following:

"Aloha is being a part of all, and all being a part of me. When there is pain - it is my pain. When there is joy - it is also mine. I respect all that is as part of the Creator and part of me. I will not willfully harm anyone or anything. When food is needed I will take only my need and explain why it is being taken. The earth, the sky, the sea are mine to care for, to cherish and to protect. This is Hawaiian - this is Aloha!"

Aloha has been my code of ethics for a very long time upon reflection. It's a big reason why the current state of polarizing politics in the US of A is so discouraging and why I feel compelled to be involved supporting those that feel they don't have a voice or aren't being heard.

The other part of the title borrowed from Torito, "Follow Your Dreams", is something I've also always believed but so many times have allowed myself to get detoured. The detouring is a big factor of perhaps why I'm not where I want to be with my singing. Don't get me wrong. I love the opportunities that have presented themselves and the wonderful people I've met along the way. It's just that I often wonder where I'd be with my music if I had listened to my soul-stirring more than the pesky voice of fear. I also take a step back now and then and realize perhaps this is exactly where I need to be right now. I remember all our life paths are different just in the same way I believe that all paths, no matter how individual, lead to God or whatever one chooses to call it.

My dear friend and fellow singer Jojie Natividad made her transition from the earthly plane on Monday, July 14th, 2014.  She was a super young and vivacious 42 year old woman who made up for her tiny physical stature of approximately 4' 11" with how large she showed up in life.

For me, she was such an example of someone following their dreams even as she questioned herself along the way.  I felt such a kindred spirit with her because of this.  Her singing voice was powerfully strong and with beautiful tone, the tone that only comes as a gift from the Universe.  I loved the times we could sing together.  The last time she and I did so was on March 16, 2014 at the Amazing Grace Spiritual Center in Ballard neighborhood of Seattle.  She graciously stepped in at the very last moment as my back up singer on several songs after listening me go over them with the house band on the very morning of the performance.  Additionally, she made sure that my songs were video recorded and placed on YouTube.

Here is one of the songs that Jojie backed me on, March 16th, 2014, "Calling All Angels" by Train:


Jojie's passing has got me to think about the process of grief and how it is, much like Jojie herself, unique onto ourselves. It can also be deeply personal.  We can feel it in no particular order.  Sometimes it comes across as sadness, anger, surreal-ness, etc.  Sometimes we want to share it with others and other times we feel we need to be alone with our thoughts and feelings.  It's all good so long as at some point we acknowledge our grief to ourselves and/or others rather than to continually ignore it.  I want to post this from a newsletter Rev. Eric O'del sent out about grieving:

No matter what anyone says,
when you lose someone you love
there is no right way to grieve.

If you need to weep and wail in public
or in private,
for a day,
or for years,
that’s the right way to grieve.

If you need to be alone and quiet
or connecting with people you love,
that’s the right way to grieve.

If you thank the God of your Understanding
for the gift of your loved one’s company
and claim some comfort for your loss,
or rail at the heavens,
cursing the finality of Death,
that’s the right way, too.

At any given time,
you may even be All of the Above.

You are who you are,
and you grieve the way you grieve.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.


I am also posting the following from Rev. Colette Mercier.  She sent this email out yesterday and I'm including part of it.

"If you ever doubt your importance, the significance of the small daily gifts of yourself to others, the beauty of your just being YOU full out, let this outpouring of love and gratitude for Jojie remind you that everything you do matters and changes the lives of others. You are beautiful, you are powerful, you are Love in action".

And as another friend of mine, Devi Bhaktananda lovingly put it:

" To honor Jojie, I invite you to commit to loving, valuing, and honoring yourself and your power to brighten this world and lighten this earthly journey, easily and effortlessly, simply by being the Divine Light you already are."

I leave you with this song that I made a picture montage for.  I'm beyond blessed to have known Jojie and I accept Devi's invitation with an open heart knowing it will lead to my dreams being fulfilled perhaps even in ways I've never imagined.



In loving kindness,
Stephen